Skin that smoke-wagon and we'll see what happens, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Amanda Knox was acquitted of murder. You know what Amanda Knox is going as for Halloween? OJ Simpson.

First Casey Anthony and now Amanda Knox; remember the good old days when white chicks getting away with murder meant they were cutting the line at the nightclub?

Amanda’s defense team was brilliant. They stocked the jury with women and said Amanda’s roommate took her last tampon.

You know what the least favorite Halloween candy is? Candy Corn. The second least favorite candy? Whatever R. Kelly and Roman Polanski are handing out.

Amanda Knox was acquitted of murder. In a perfect world, Casey Anthony becomes her next roommate.

After 22 years, “Monday Night Football” is dropping Hank Williams introduction song “Are You Ready For Some Football?” because Williams compared President Obama to Hitler; now if we could only get Flo the “Progressive Insurance” lady to compare Obama to Hitler.

Amanda Knox was acquitted of murder. Now Amanda has to advertise for a new roommate. “S.W.F. looking for roommate.” Not Single White Female: Someone Wrongfully Freed.

Having had roommates, I cannot condone such a crime, but I certainly can understand it;

“Your honor, my client would like to plead temporary insanity due to the victim drinking his last beer.”

Have you seen the Verizon Wireless commercial where New York Jets QB, Mark Sanchez throws footballs out of the stadium showering them over a city? It is so unrealistic. In the commercial, Sanchez doesn’t get sacked once.

Its National Taco Day. New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie celebrated National Taco Day by eating a Taco Bell. No, that is not a typo, he didn’t eat at Taco Bell, he ate a Taco Bell. Restaurant. Whole.

How about all of those come-from-behind wins this weekend in the NFL? Why, the NFL hasn't had that many come-from-behind's since (insert your own Antonio Cromartie 9-kids-with-8-different-mothers joke here)


Since you asked:

You know how some people have a thing? We were driving home South on 15 in Temecula from a soccer tournament a year ago, and we see this white, middle-age-to-older couple riding their matching all-white Harley Davidson cruiser bikes dressed in all white helmets, buckskin fringe jackets and pants. Bet you anything his name was Gus and her name was Dottie. And they are a hoot to be around. Yep, them’s good people.

And motorcycling is their thing, bless their hearts.

My buddy, Kevin, he is a great surfer. The guy surfs almost every day and he has surfed his whole life. Lord knows I love stand up paddle board surfing, but surfing is Kevin’s thing. He is tasteful about it, he collects old wood Hawaiian boards, has a coffee table made out of a surfboard, and has nice surfing art watercolors. Even his expensive taste in clothes leans towards a surfing motif.

Surfing is his thing.

Me? Don’t have a thing. I have things. Stand Up Paddle Board Surfing is one of my things. Playing harmonica in a band is one of my things. Comedy writing is definitely one of my things. Grilling and drinking wine is definitely one of my things. Ann Caroline’s soccer and track are some of my things. Texas Hold ‘Em poker is one of my things. Snowboarding? Watching football and baseball? Things.

Fixing cars or polishing cars? Working in the yard? Not one of my things. Can see why they would be someone else’s thing, but they aren’t one of mine. Same with hunting, fishing, camping. Would like to do all of them from time to time, just not one of my things.

For me, losing weight was like cleaning the garage. Yeah, I need to do it, but what is the hurry?

Then I saw the pictures from the reunion.

Guess who has a new thing?

Yep, I have decided to make eating lighter and better, exercising more and better, and thus losing weight, one of my things.

Vegetarian during the day. No meat, no eggs. Just smoothies, yogurt, cereal, fruit, veggies and nuts until 5:30. Work out, an-after work out meditation and then make dinner. Just not going crazy. Keeping it healthy and light.

Wine? Yes, its one of my things, but less of it. San Diego Sunsets? Yes, but way less, only on weekends. And then just one or two.

Last night, as it was National Taco Night, I grilled flour tortillas and stuffed them with grilled shrimp, shredded red cabbage, avocado slices, shredded Monterey cheese and a mixed sauce of sour cream, salsa and a dab of honey and bam’d the tacos with roughly chopped cilantro.

So on nights when I grill fish, I am a full-blown veggie for a day. But make no mistake, after a great workout or a great surfing session, once a week I am grilling a hellacious steak with tasty potatoes or a juicy burger.

So, Lex, what do you think about the “new” “Two and a Half Men?”

Not going to work.

But remember, I am the guy who said Madonna and rap were passing fads.

Although “TAAHM” isn’t quite jumping the shark, we can see the puppeteer’s strings. You can almost hear this in the writer’s meeting:

“Listen up people. We need some spit-balling. How do we get Alan and Jake Harper living back in the heart-broken billionaire’s Malibu beach house with Berta the housekeeper. OK, go.”

The smell of desperation is in the "TAAHM" air.