Thursday, September 01, 2011

He wearin’ his no-never-minds while out wit’ his used-to-be, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The Kentucky man, who lost his lawsuit against his doctor for amputating his penis without his permission, is still furious at the doctor. And you can’t blame him for being a little short.

It is really getting ugly between Mitt Romney and Rick Perry. Is it just me or do these two guys look like the guys smoking pipes and raking leaves in the Fall LL Bean catalog?

Is it just me or do these two guys look like the golfers who can’t wait for a ball to go in the sand trap so they can say; “Hey, nice shot, you’re on the beach.”

After Irene, a storm called Katia is building. I dated a woman named Katia right after college. So East Coast prepare to get pulled into a bar fight, your favorite t-shirt stolen and your car keyed after an ugly break up.

It is really getting ugly between Mitt Romney and Rick Perry. Is it just me or do Mitt and Rick look like the guys they would use in a Viagra print ads targeting older gay men?

After Irene, a storm called Katia is building. Once I dated a girl named Katia. It didn’t work out, you know a relationship isn’t doing well when your third date is visiting her father in prison.

Actually her real name was Katie, but she changed it to Katia to seem more exotic. It was like putting a racing stripe on a Vega.

Nearby a NASCAR race in Bristol, Tenn. Police arrested a drunk, naked West Virginia man in his car with his girlfriend and a raccoon. Or as they call that in West Virginia, a three way.

He was charged with public intoxication, indecent exposure and writing a country song without a license.

Since you asked:

Just because I personally don’t like pseudo-intellectual rock, specifically Depeche Mode and Husker Du, that doesn’t mean they aren’t talented in their own self-righteous annoying way. Got to admit, ever since “I Love You, Man” I have come around to like Rush. OK, tolerate Rush.

The bands I truly despised – besides, of course, disco - were the punk bands of the Seventies. Their fans never understood that the word loser cannot be eradicated by the word rebel. And this includes their devotees, those a-hole music critics of the “Village Voice” and “Rolling Stone” and “The New York Times” who constantly thrashed everyone from California and even Led Zeppelin, Eric Clapton and the Rolling Stones at times.

Like I said, documentaries have revealed that the majority of “musicians” in bands like The Dead Kennedys, the Ramones, and the Sex Pistols did not know how to play their instruments. They just pounded out noise. But because the lyrics were perceived as edgy and anti-establishment, the disenfranchised and unattractive New York area drugged-out moron youths ate them up.

Sadly some very talented bands were lumped into this category somewhere between punk and “New Age.” They include Blondie, Elvis Costello, The Talking Heads and even The Pretenders, great bands even though Chrissie Hynde is a world class hypocrite/bitch.

Musicians don’t have to be great in order to recognize great musicians. The band most mentioned by musicians as having the greatest musicians was first and foremost, Cream. All three musicians considered the very best at their instruments. Unlike with the useless critics, Led Zeppelin was known as a band with great musicians. Although I never liked his music, Frank Zappa surrounded himself with amazing session musicians. As did a band I did like, Steely Dan.

And sometimes sort of pop-like corny Seventies bands had amazingly great musicians, namely Chicago and Journey. (Yes, the Dawg, Randy Jackson, was one of the best bass players in the biz)

Doors? Not so much. Ray Manzarek was a great keyboard player, but that was it. Beatles? They practically started the cottage industry of rock studio musicians they had so many playing on their albums. George Harrison wrote some great songs, but was not known as a great lead guitarist. Ringo was not known as a particularly good drummer.

The definition of what makes a great musician can be very subjective. The Who’s Keith Moon’s wild solos and licks were the very iconic signature of their music, but he couldn’t keep time to save his life.

Is Neil Young a great harmonica player? Yes, because he has his own original, bare-bones, raspy sound and he is catchy as all hell. But he could not play a single Slim Harpo, Junior Wells, James Cotton and especially Little Walter, John Popper, Billy Branch or Stevie Wonder lick to save his life.

Don’t get me wrong, I am a huge Neil Young fan. But there are musicians who claim you can throw a stick at any Malibu beach campfire and hit a more talented singer and guitar player.

Crosby, Stills and Nash used to roll with laughter in the studio at Neil’s one-note-repeated-over-and-over guitar solos. Dr. Hook's train wreck of a guitar solo on "Cover of the Rolling Stone" was said to be inspired by Young's solos.

But the man had a Tom Petty/ Lennon & McCartney/Stevie Wonder/Paul Simon/James Taylor-like ear for writing tunes people loved.

One of the greatest-selling albums of all time, the best selling album in 1972, "Harvest" consisted of all the Neil Young songs the egomaniac and coked-out Stills and Crosby refused to put on CSN&Y albums.

So he's got that going for him, which is nice.