"I'm walkin' here."

Careful, Ryan, there are things in here that don't respond well to bullets, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Sadly, I know how Lady Gaga feels at the VMAS when, after she admitted to masturbating to Britney, Britney would not kiss her. When I told Ana Faris that, she swore out a restraining order.

It is so wet in New York, somebody had to give that thing on Donald Trump's head mouth-to-snout resuscitation. Rats had to do the backstroke to get into KFC. For an extra $50, the Times Square hookers would give you a squeegee.

Upstate New York family terrified when a sewage truck crashed into their living room; they thought the channel had changed to "Jersey Shore."

The Tour of Spain is at stage 10. The Tour of Spain is a lot like the Tour De France except with even more people in the US not caring about a bunch of skinny, leg-shaving drug-cheating weasels.

Since you asked:

To give you an idea how exhausted I was following my 1 and 1/4 hour SUP surf session at Scripps on Saturday, I was headed for a quick and immediate bonk. Downed 20 ounces of SoBe apple and pear and felt better. Still, my brain was so fried, on the drive home, my emotions swung wildly from getting tearful at seeing a cute dog to my head spinning around and screaming;

"Why the f@*k can't you learn to drive?"

Then ate a sandwich and downed 32 ounces of organic lemonade. Tried to nap during a recorded Cubs game, but I kept doing that jerky, twitchy, snoring snark- thing which kept waking me up.

Downed at least 40 ounces of "Newman's Own" grape juice on the rocks during the rest of the day. (Damn that stuff is tasty) Downed a few glasses of red wine with dinner.

That is about 110 ounces of liquids.

May be too much information, but I didn't pee until early the next morning.

In sports parlance a little before a body part indicates a minor injury that you can play through, but hurts. A slight sprain and it's "I got a little ankle, but I can go."

However, if you tweak a pelvis adductor muscle making a sharp turn on a surf board, as I did, you do not want to say;

"Yeah, I got a little groin."