Surfing Madonna, children at your feet, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Just when you think it can’t get better, it turns out one of the women Rep. Anthony Weiner was contacting is a porn star. What’s the difference between a politician and a porn star? One is a horny sleazebag who screws people for money, the other is a porn star.

Things keep getting worse for Rep. Anthony Weiner. Now supposedly there is an embarrassing video of the congressman scratching his butt, sniffing his finger and falling out of a tree.

What do you want to bet that right now Anthony Weiner is the only guy in the world who wishes he was on LinkedIn or MySpace instead of twitter?

Let’s face it, this scandal could have been far more embarrassing for Anthony Weiner. How could it have been more embarrassing? Two words: Male Camel-toe.

Tiger Woods has pulled out of the US Open. And, as we learned from his love life, the US Open is the first thing Tiger has pulled out of.

Anthony Weiner mistakenly sent his crotch shots to all of his twitter followers instead of the one woman he meant to. That is embarrassing, once I sent the message “You make me so hot” to all my twitter followers instead of just Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader-Ginsberg.

Chile had a volcano erupt. Well I’m glad I’m not the only one who erupts due to Chili.

The ship that buried Osama bin Laden at sea, the USS Carl Vinson, docked at Pearl Harbor. It will re-supply and fuel-up before heading back out (cough, Moammar) for another (cough, Kadhafi) mission.

Charlie Sheen’s mansion is on the market for $7.2 mil. And if you buy it you get to change its name from the Chlamydia Villa.

Let’s see what’s new with Rep. Anthony “Rockin’ the bun-huggers” Weiner. Republicans are demanding Weiner resign. They feel that if somebody wants to see a man’s crotch, they should go to an airport bathroom or a congressional page’s locker room like god intended.

Spirit Airlines has “See our Weiner” ads featuring a picture of a hot dog and airline fares for as low as $9. It’s caught all of their competitors with their pants down.

The White House says the high unemployment rate is good news because it means people are out looking for jobs. More good news, you know that pay check you’re no longer getting? You don’t have to pay taxes on it.