We takin' a little Swine Flucation up in this here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Oh sure
Paris Hilton was at the Kentucky Derby. Despite the rumors, Paris claims she and third place finisher Muskat Man are just friends.
Not that bad
It turns out the swine flu is not as virulent as once thought. Instead of killing you it just makes you lethargic and addled. So they are going to now call it the David Hasselhof Flu.
Perspective
The winner of the Kentucky Derby, a 50-1 long shot named Mine the Bird, was purchased for $9,500. That’s less than Aretha Franklin paid for her hat.
Hate to hear that
The winner of the Kentucky Derby was a 50-1 long shot named Mine the Bird. In sad news, immediately after the race, Aretha Franklin’s hat had to be put down.
Do we need this?
A man in Davis, CA, claims he has invented an app for iPhone that can read your dog’s mind; is that a good idea? You’ll just hear a lot of: “All I gotta do is wag my tail and look sad and the moron gives me a treat.”
A-Rod
A biography on Alex Rodriguez claims A-Rod took performance enhancing drugs in high school, tipped pitches to opponents, cheated on his wife with strippers and Madonna and lied about all of it. This guy isn’t a New York Yankee, he’s a potential New York Governor.
Hot tip, so to speak
Paris Hilton was at the Kentucky Derby. It got awkward, Paris insisted on betting $100 on Chlamydia to show. Paris got the tip from her gynecologist.
Since you asked:
How do I feel about Miss California, Carrie Prejean, speaking out that she is against gay marriage? Like I do when a lot of celebrities air their views on complicated topics. It reminds me of those clips on YouTube of dogs banging their paws on a piano and howling. They’re making noise but they have no idea why.
Not that it matters, but I am for gay marriage. Marriage is, by definition, an institution which means it is man-made, it did not come from divine intervention. Since people invented marriage it should be available to all people who want it. It is no skin off anybody’s nose if same sex couples get married.
Having said that, why is it that Miss California, Carrie Prejean, isn’t allowed her opinion? Because it doesn’t agree with that world-beater Perez Hilton’s opinion? Why should we care what Perez Hilton thinks? How can gay people, who are so furiously adamant about other people being tolerant in every way towards them, be so intolerant of other’s differing opinions?
Flaming hypocrisy is not going to help further the cause of gay marriage.
And another thing, it is a sad day when the Lexster, or any idiot who uses a nickname to refer to himself in the third person, is the voice of reason.
(Polite applause)
It is important to remember that Cinco De Mayo is different for different people.
For example, fans of Ed McMahon celebrate Cinco De "Hiyoo."
Fans of the poet Angelou celebrate Cinco De Maya
Women's soccer fans celebrate Cinco De Mia
Fans of The Banana Boat song celebrate Cinco De Day-O
Fans of the Midwest celebrate Cinco De Ohio
Oh sure
Paris Hilton was at the Kentucky Derby. Despite the rumors, Paris claims she and third place finisher Muskat Man are just friends.
Not that bad
It turns out the swine flu is not as virulent as once thought. Instead of killing you it just makes you lethargic and addled. So they are going to now call it the David Hasselhof Flu.
Perspective
The winner of the Kentucky Derby, a 50-1 long shot named Mine the Bird, was purchased for $9,500. That’s less than Aretha Franklin paid for her hat.
Hate to hear that
The winner of the Kentucky Derby was a 50-1 long shot named Mine the Bird. In sad news, immediately after the race, Aretha Franklin’s hat had to be put down.
Do we need this?
A man in Davis, CA, claims he has invented an app for iPhone that can read your dog’s mind; is that a good idea? You’ll just hear a lot of: “All I gotta do is wag my tail and look sad and the moron gives me a treat.”
A-Rod
A biography on Alex Rodriguez claims A-Rod took performance enhancing drugs in high school, tipped pitches to opponents, cheated on his wife with strippers and Madonna and lied about all of it. This guy isn’t a New York Yankee, he’s a potential New York Governor.
Hot tip, so to speak
Paris Hilton was at the Kentucky Derby. It got awkward, Paris insisted on betting $100 on Chlamydia to show. Paris got the tip from her gynecologist.
Since you asked:
How do I feel about Miss California, Carrie Prejean, speaking out that she is against gay marriage? Like I do when a lot of celebrities air their views on complicated topics. It reminds me of those clips on YouTube of dogs banging their paws on a piano and howling. They’re making noise but they have no idea why.
Not that it matters, but I am for gay marriage. Marriage is, by definition, an institution which means it is man-made, it did not come from divine intervention. Since people invented marriage it should be available to all people who want it. It is no skin off anybody’s nose if same sex couples get married.
Having said that, why is it that Miss California, Carrie Prejean, isn’t allowed her opinion? Because it doesn’t agree with that world-beater Perez Hilton’s opinion? Why should we care what Perez Hilton thinks? How can gay people, who are so furiously adamant about other people being tolerant in every way towards them, be so intolerant of other’s differing opinions?
Flaming hypocrisy is not going to help further the cause of gay marriage.
And another thing, it is a sad day when the Lexster, or any idiot who uses a nickname to refer to himself in the third person, is the voice of reason.
(Polite applause)
It is important to remember that Cinco De Mayo is different for different people.
For example, fans of Ed McMahon celebrate Cinco De "Hiyoo."
Fans of the poet Angelou celebrate Cinco De Maya
Women's soccer fans celebrate Cinco De Mia
Fans of The Banana Boat song celebrate Cinco De Day-O
Fans of the Midwest celebrate Cinco De Ohio
posted by Alex at
11:36 AM
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