Monday, May 04, 2009

No me di’n’t, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Not good
Due to the swine flu and drug gang violence, cruise ships have cancelled stops in Mexico; that is when you know a country is in trouble when more cruise ships go to Somalia..

Yeah, that’s it
In Ohio, a police chief was arrested for indecent exposure for masturbating in his car with another man. His excuse? He was just demonstrating his new self-winding watch.

Or something like that
There is a new documentary out on Mike Tyson. I think the title is “My Dinner with Evander.”

There is a new documentary out on Mike Tyson. I am not sure what the title is because the name “Reality Bites” was used a long time ago.

One way to do it
Thousands of women in Kenya have vowed to abstain from sex until their government is in order; that’s one way to get rid of the pork in politics.

Worst ever
In Ohio, a police chief was arrested in for indecent exposure in a park for masturbating in his car with another man. He explained to the arresting officer he had planned to perform oral sex on the other man. That has to go down - excuse the expression - as the worst alibi in history.

This swine flu epidemic is scary. Michael Jackson is wearing two surgical masks.

“People” magazine came out with their 100 most beautiful people issue and I am proud to say I made it. I am right in between the octomom and Phil Spector.

Rough day at Churchill Downs
The Kentucky Derby was this weekend, but I didn’t so so well, I had my money on: Bernie’s Ponzi, Octomom’s Nanny and Swine Flu Bayou.

What about that, A-Rod?
Helena Roberts has written a tall-all biography that claims Alex Rodriguez is a lousy tipper at Hooters. There’s no excuse for A-Rod being a lousy tipper especially when you consider the Hooters waitresses have to perform the Heimlich on A-Rod every October when he chokes.

Thanks Joe.
V.P. Joe Biden advises New Yorkers not to go in the subways due to the swine flu. Thanks for the tip, Joe, but if you’d ever been in a subway you’d know the swine flu is about #95 on the list of things that can kill you.

Is it just me?
“American Idol” down to the final four with Adam in trouble. Is it just me or does it seem that at least once every song Adam screams like a little girl who had a spider land on her doll’s head?