If you ain’t helpin’ you hurtin’, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Classy guy
Britney Spears’s husband, Kevin Federline, said he wants to name their baby Vegas because it’s one of his favorite places. It could be worse, he could want to name the child: Strip Club.

Late again
FEMA is under a lot of heat for responding late to New Orleans. FEMA has been a little slow to get to disasters. Here it is September and FEMA still hasn’t helped the Kansas City Royals.

Dial it down, Paris
The New York Post says that Paris Hilton is so famous she can’t go in public without a disguise. For her disguise, Paris has been toning her look way down from skank to just plain ol’ whore.

Not nice
Some sad news, Bob Denver who played Gilligan on “Gilligan’s Island” passed away. On the bright side, after he died, his acting improved dramatically.

Mon Dieu
Lance Armstrong is furious at French doping accusations and might return to cycling just to make the French mad. You really want to make the French mad? Replace their wine bottles with shampoo bottles.


Don’t be Judge playa hatin’
Right after Chief Justice William Rehnquist passed away, President Bush nominated John Roberts to be the new Chief Justice. This didn’t sit well with some of the judges. In fact, when he heard Justice David Souter said; “Say what? Oh, snap, no he di’n’t. What the mofizzy?”

Not glaad
The Gay, Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation say they are not enough gay characters in the Fall TV lineup. Apparently GLAAD didn’t hear about the new CBS show, “Everybody Loves Ryan Seacrest.”

Or
The Gay, Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation say they are not enough male gay characters in the Fall lineup. Apparently GLAAD won’t be happy until there are so many male gay characters “Desperate Housewives” turns into “Really Desperate Housewives.”


Keeping with the theme
The conditions in New Orleans conditions have been described as going from the Jetsons to the Flintstones. Yeah, and apparently the head of FEMA, Michael Brown, turned into Mr. Magoo.


Oh, brother
Hurricane Katrina couldn’t stop a gay rights parade last Saturday in downtown New Orleans. Apparently they marched chanting “We’re here, we’re queer, and nobody sane is anywhere near.”

Bar none
Did you know that two bars stayed open in New Orleans right after hurricane Katrina? Is this a great country or what?

Did you know that two bars stayed open in New Orleans right after hurricane Katrina? In fact,there is only one drink you couldn’t get in New Orleans after Katrina: A hurricane.

Did you know that two bars stayed open in New Orleans right after hurricane Katrina? That may be a sign you have a drinking problem. “Save my home and family? Nah, I’ll go get a beer instead.”

Poor Midge
After her riding accident, Madonna is doing better but she said, when she fell, her life flashed in front of her eyes. So the poor girl had to see “Swept Away” and “Body of Evidence” again? My word, hasn’t this woman suffered enough?

Since you asked:
You know how there are bad stupid movies "Gigli" but there are also good stupid movies? "Tommy Boy" is a really good stupid movie. Same could be said for "Raising Arizona."

Well I was half watching "Predator" and just when I was thinking that it was a pretty good stupid movie, a thought hit me: our country elected not one, but two governors from that stupid movie. Arnold and Jesse.

Wow. How sad is that?