Monday, September 26, 2016

A TMZ poll showed 75% for Brad Pitt with just 25% for Angelina. And that is just a poll of their kids.

L.S.U fired their football coach, Les Miles. He may be out as a coach, but Les Miles has quite a future as a used car salesman. 

Sunday Chicago fans had to choose between watching the Bears against the Cowboys or the Cubs against the Cardinals. That turned out to be like choosing between a gum-scraping and a full-body massage.

By winning the Fed Ex Cup, Rory McIlroy had a putt that was worth over $10 mil. It was the most a stroke could have cost a golfer since Tiger Woods’s wife, Elin, caught him cheating. 

Turns out the lesbian re-make of “Brokeback Mountain,” will not happen. The lesbian “Brokeback Mountain” would be called “Backpack Mountain.”

San Francisco police never found the culprit who bit off a bartender’s finger. It all started when the bartender refused to give the man a shot of Two Fingers tequila. 

San Francisco police could not catch the culprit who bit off a finger of a bartender despite starting with a hot tip. Now they’re the victims of biting sarcasm. 

The Chinese space station is going to spin out of orbit and crash to the earth. They got the idea from watching the Cleveland Browns. 

Kim Kardashian first endorsed Hillary Clinton and then said she was on the fence. “Kim, please make up you mind so we know who to vote for,” said nobody in the country.

Since you asked:

Three stories in sports yesterday, one tragic, one sad and one wonderful.

It is nothing but tragic that a young pitching superstar, Jose Fernandez, who, as great as he was on the field, was beloved more off the field, was killed in a boating accident at 24. Everything about this is sad.

And although he lived a long time, Arnold Palmer was so great and beloved it breaks our heart that he is gone at 87. Palmer was arguably one of the greatest golfer ever - Jack Nicklaus won the most tournaments - but his kindness to others and class is what will always make Palmer #1 in golf with Jack Nicklaus #2 and a few scant others, including Gary Player, a distant third.

The  wonderful story is Cubs catcher, David Ross, a beloved journeyman catcher with good skills ended his regular season career in Chicago, received two standing ovations, hit the go-ahead home run and then received two more standing ovations and took four curtain calls. Although a good player, it was the love his players and the fans had for Ross that was so touching. Compare that to the “Thanks for stopping bye” retirement of billionaire douche-bag and drug cheat, Alex Rodriguez.

What we learned was the importance of being a good guy off the field. 

As much as I love The Boss, I am going to have to differ with Bruce Springsteen’s argument on choosing to fight 100 duck-sized horses over one horse-sized duck.

Bruce chooses 100 duck-sized horses because, he says, horses can be tamed, but a horse-size duck will “F*ck you up.” 

Bruce points out that horses work in congress with people and might not fight. That is not the premise. It is implied they are going to fight you. You can’t agree with the notion there are 100 horses the size of a duck and then just ignore the fact they will fight you. They are going to fight. 

That would be the equivalent  of about 100 long-legged dachshunds or corgis wanting to tear into you. Horses have teeth. And hooves no matter how tiny they are. 

A duck, no matter how big it is, only has a beak. Yes, I have been pecked at by a goose and I know it hurts. But it is just one bill versus 100 mouths and 400 hooves. 

Another Boss note. Read a review of his "Born to Run" bio, and Bruce did not feel he could comfortably afford to buy a car until five years after "Born To Run"  at age 31.  

The more at stake at debates the more boring they are. And there has never been more at stake in a long time - since Nixon and Kennedy in 1960 - than tonight's debate, so it will probably be quite boring. 

So I am going out on a limb and predicting a game-changer. One of them showing up drunk. Or whacked out on pills, like Trump was in Mexico. A physical or mental breakdown, god forbid. A mistake so huge it almost ruins their campaign. 

Yes, this is wishful thinking, but it also my gut instinct. 

What is more bitter sweet than the last sip of coffee in the late morning?