Friday, January 18, 2013

Remember Katherine Webb? Imagine how hot Alabama QB's AJ McCarron's imaginary girlfriend is?

Talk to the paw, ‘cause the puppy ain’t listening, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

How annoying was Nicki Minaj on “American Idol”? If Nicki Minaj was Manti Te’o’s imaginary girlfriend, he would have broken up with her before she died.

An Australian measured a Subway sandwich and was irate when it came up shorter than advertised. To which women everywhere said; “Tell me about it.”

Sadly, a man in Florida was killed when he left his truck to open a gate and his dog stepped on the accelerator. Some neutered dogs hold a grudge.

What a terrible time for sports, Lance Armstrong admits lying and cheating, a college star has a fake dead girlfriend, an Olympic runner is a prostitute. On the bright side, it has never been less embarrassing to be a Chicago Cubs fan.

The heart-wrenching story that Notre Dame linebacker, Manti Te’o’s girlfriend died of Leukemia, turns out it was a hoax. As bad as this is, it could have been worse. They were going to say the girlfriend flew off in a weather balloon.

Former NFL joke, Ryan Leaf, was kicked out of a Montana drug rehab facility and sent to prison; Ryan was a #2 draft pick bust, but experts feel Leaf will go first in the prisoner’s bitch draft.

After a four-month lockout, the NHL starts this weekend. For folks in L.A., that means that thing you didn’t care wasn’t happening is now going to happen.

An Australian man ordered a foot-long Subway sandwich and measured it and was irate when it came up only eleven inches. It is like all my ex-girlfriends all over again.

Since you asked:

More and more is going to come up about this Manti Te’o scandal. 

How do I put this?

If anyone has spent any time around a major men’s sports program, let’s just say the one thing the athletes don’t need to come up with is imaginary girlfriends.

Why would someone, who could date practically any woman he wanted to date, come up with an imaginary girlfriend?

Notre Dame is a media spin-making machine. This is a college who changed the pronunciation of a Heisman’s candidate’s name to rhyme, Joe Theisman used to be pronounced Joe Theeesman.

Not saying Notre Dame was in on the hoax, but they ran with it. 

Pretty sure I have the Manti Te'o iPod Playlist ready. 
(With help from the always hilarious Janice Hough)

"She's Gone"

"Satisfaction (I can't get no)"

"Angel Dream #2."

"Imaginary Lover."

"If you Can't Be with the One You Love" (Love the one your with)