Thursday, December 08, 2011

This is what you do when you do what you're doin'

Don't dally with the tally, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Country music star, John Rich, was kicked off a Southwest flight from Las Vegas to Nashville for being too drunk. They knew he was too drunk to fly when he was even drunker than the pilots.

Kim Kardashian has a perfume out that she says is devoted to the enduring lover of her 72-day husband, Kris Humphries. It’s called Love because the name Lying Greedy Whore didn’t test well with focus groups.

Tom Cruise’s fourth “Mission Impossible” movie is coming out this month. This one is the scariest one yet, its about Tom trying to get a hold of a Time Warner customer service representative.

Newt Gingrich has the poll lead in Iowa. Is it just me, or does Newt look like that bitter college professor who assigned a term paper over Thanksgiving?

In Michigan, a music teacher tried to replace the word gay in “Deck the Halls” switching gay apparel with bright apparel. Fine, but I’d like to see her try and take the gay out of Santa’s reindeer's, Dancer and Prancer.

A Michigan music teacher tried to replace the word gay in “Deck the Halls” switching gay apparel with bright apparel, which is silly because gay apparel means happy apparel. Unless we’re talking about my cousin, Andre’s Christmas sweater vest, that is some gay apparel.

A Florida woman was beaten do death and her body hidden underneath the presents under the Christmas tree. Suddenly the Grinch and Mr. Scrooge don’t seem so bad.

Former Vice President, Dan Quayle endorsed Mitt Romney; that is really big, if this was 1989.

In addition, Quayle endorsed the movie “Field of Dreams” as a must-see tear-jerker.

The latest trend is having your pet dyed different colors for the holidays. Just go to the nearest; “Why The Rest of the World Hates Us” Pet Salon in your neighborhood.

Have you seen the new Lexus Christmas commercials? Apparently this year there is a new tradition of all the stuck-up snotty a-holes giving each other Lexus cars with a bow on them.

This election is like going back to college. Barack Obama is the cool poetry professor who has classes at his house and serves wine, Newt Gingrich is the bitter History professor who assigns too much homework, Ron Paul is the crazy, overly enthusiastic science professor, Mitt Romney is genial career counselor who calls everyone “Sport”, and Michele Bachman is the ever-smiling sorority house mother called “Muffy.”

Since you asked:
Taylor Swift is an example of how a woman can be prettier-than-hell and not sexy, where as, on the opposite side, Paris Hilton can be sluttier-than-hell and not sexy.