Monday, June 27, 2011

Now that is what I call a war face, Callista Gingrich.

This just in: Former Ill. Gov. Rod Blagojevich guilty on 17 counts. Interestingly, Blagojevich is a Serbian name that means: Prison shower bitch.

In addition to the 17 guilty charges, police issued Rod Blagojevich a missing forehead report.

In case you didn't already know, owner of the Los Angeles Credit Dodgers, Frank McCourt, and former investor, Bernie Madoff are living proof that, just because someone appears to be wealthy, that doesn't mean they aren't a steaming pile of fetid iguana poop.

Under the watchful eye of owner, Frank McCourt, the Los Angeles Credit Dodgers have developed into a team with such style and class they allow a visiting team's fan - who is a father of young children - to be beaten into a coma by roving gang members without anyone, police, security or Dodger fan witnesses, intervening.

A message to Jack White: Dude, seriously I don't care if she is your sister, I don't care if she is your wife. And, in a West Virginia way, I don't care if she is both. What I want to know is: why the hell is she your drummer? Having that chick drum for Jack White is like having Michael Moore pose for "GQ."

Since you asked:

Broke a rib SUP surfing on Tuesday. Classic case of wave meets board, board meets Lex. This same rib has been broken many times. It has gotten like a nose or collarbone that has been broken many times. Very easy to break. Problem is, each time it still hurts like the first time.

So how do you treat a broken rib? The same way you deal with Fran Drescher's voice. There is nothing you can do except suffer.

Did you know that Fran Drescher and Ray Ramano went to the same high school? If I transferred there I would have been thrown into a speech therapy class.

Ray: "Say; "I sawer (saw) a duuhwaaaaarrg" (dog)

Lex: I saw a dog.

Fran: "Ohhh my gawwwweerrred (god). He's waheetwraaaahded (retarded) ." Followed by nasal honking laugh.