Monday, June 27, 2011

Why can't we have a place in Carmel Valley like The Brick?

Te salud, Don Corleone, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Duke and Duchess William and Kate greeted the British military. I would be worried if I were William, I hope they weren’t talking about the Marines when they said Kate was wonderful to the Corp.

As the Tour De France draws near, America hopefuls have emerged. There is that one guy who is probably on steroids, that other guy who will test positive for performance enhancing drugs and that third guy who is most likely blood-doping.

In the Gold Cup at the Rose Bowl, the United States scored the first two goals, but Mexico came back to win 4-2. It was a thrilling game for the 93,000 fans, several dozens of which were actually cheering for the United States.

Los Angeles Laker Ron Artest is changing his name to Metta World Peace. Sure, Artest changes his name, Anthony Weiner, Barney Frank, Dick Swett and Andy Dick keep theirs.

A Harvard study says its possible to laugh so hard you can pass out and possibly die; that is why we at a.L.B.B. always put safety first and take a little off of our jokes just to be safe.

In Stamford, Conn. a woman fought off a sexual assault by biting off a big chunk of his tongue when he kissed her. Lucky for this guy he was a firm believer in foreplay.

A fired IT guy inserted porn into his boss’ PowerPoint presentation before a speech. You wouldn’t believe what picture popped up when he was talking about the company’s titular CEO.

More details emerging on how Boston mob boss, James “Whitey” Bulger was able to elude the FBI for 16 years before being arrested in Santa Monica. His smartest hiding move? He got a role on a prime time sitcom on NBC. He knew nobody would see him there.

Rumor has Prince Harry dating Pippa Middleton, sister of Kate Middleton who is married to Harry’s brother, William. Harry’s father is said to be James Hewitt who had an affair with Harry and William’s mother, Diana. Well so much for the insinuation of inbreeding in the royal family.

Since you asked:

My next door neighbors, Mike and Nancy, are the nicest people in the world. And their two sons, Matt and Ross, are possibly the two coolest guys in the world. Great looking, great athletes, smart, there are so few of us.

That's why I get such a kick out of asking Matt and Ross what they're up to. The answer is always flying to Tahiti to film a surf movie or attending a charity for some environmental group.

One day, a few years ago, when I asked Ross what he is doing, he smiled and said;

"OK, remember you asked so you can't say I was bragging. I am going to the MTV Music Video awards as Jack Johnson's guest along with Laird Hamilton and his wife, model, Gabby Reese, and I am escorting Rebecca Romaijn" (recently un-Stamos'd)

"Yeah, I'm kinda doing the same thing," I said, "if cleaning dog poop in the bag yard is considered the same thing."

Who said life was fair? Not I, said the friggin' duck.