Monday, August 24, 2009

Carlos Gonzalez of the Colorado Rockies is day-to-day with a puncture wound in his hand. Gonzalez claims he hurt himself on a steak knife while he was putting a dish in his kitchen sink. Putting a dish in the sink? Clearly he is on Manny Rameriz's female hormones. And I heard he stopped and asked for directions on the way to the hospital.

Hurricane Bill's huge waves are slamming into the East Coast. The hardest hit beach? Monica's Cove.

Attention all competitive eaters: for the love of decency, please go away.

Have you noticed how you never ever hear interesting sides of a conversation when you're a captive audience to a cell phone yammerer? It's always; "Nothin', what are you doin'? Me neither. No, not particularly. Why? I dunno."

It's never; "See that red wire coming out of the timepiece going into to the plastic explosive? Clip that. Yeah, wait, no I mean clip the blue wire, not the red wire . . . yow, that was loud. Hello? Hello? Shoot."