Tuesday, November 28, 2006

It is hard out here

Special Holliday "Since You Asked" Commercial Message:

Cut to:

A beautiful colonial style oak-panelled library with a roaring fire complete with a huge Christmas wreath with a great big red satin bow. Our spokesperson is a kindly middle-aged man wearing a cardigan sweater and smoking a pipe and reading a book.

Kindly spokesperson:

“Folks, the holidays can be a stressful time and we want to try and make things easier for you. Are you worried about what to get your loved ones this year? And if you do know what you want to get, are you concerned about the crowds and the hassle?

“Well if you are then you are putting way more thought into their gift then they are for yours. This year, why not treat yourself? Give them a gift card.”

The spokesperson stands and strolls over to a desk and picks up a gift card from the desk top and holds it up.

“A gift card was the brain storm of an evil marketing minion who devised a diabolical plan to get their hands on your money so that it couldn’t possibly be spent anywhere else. Just try to walk into any other store on the planet and spend it. It simply cannot be done. Yes, that’s right, if you were dying of hunger and you walked into a Jack in the Box with a McDonalds gift card, guess what? You’re dead.” (Big smile)

“Think of a gift card as sort of a pre-paid credit card. Except, unlike a credit card that is readily accepted by millions of retail outlets, a gift card is only accepted by one store in the entire universe.”

The spokes person strolls back to the fireplace and leans against the mantle and says, while brandishing the card;

“That’s right. This year why not give your loved ones the gift that says; “I think you are just too damn stupid to know where you should spend this money.”

Off Screen Narrator:

“To order your gift card go to http://www.my-loved-ones-are-too-damn-stupid.com/ or call 1-800-BAD-GIFT. For payment we accept Visa, Mastercard, American Express, hell, even that lousy Discover Card, anything but a damn gift card.”