Sunday, November 19, 2006

Get wit’ it and hit it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

I, uh, I did not know that
Did you know the title of O.J. Simpson's book came from his publisher, Judith Regan? Yeah, she first used the title "If I Did It" to describe her experience with the entire New York Knicks organization.

Not too late
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting married in Italy this weekend. If you want to get them a wedding present they are registered at “Bed, Bath and Beyond All Hope.”

Wha’, wha’ wha’s that lady sayin’?
President Bush is touring Asia, there was kind of an awkward moment Bush had to ask an aide what it meant when a woman said; “Fifty dollar number one sucky.”

Not good
Germany is going to sue Donald Rumsfeld for crimes against humanity. That’s like the French suing you for lousy restaurant service.

Cha and ching
I had a good weekend I took the over and won on the Ohio State- Michigan game and I won the 24 hours over on the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes marriage.

Curiously strong
Two men have invented Tasty Golf Tees. The 25-cent tees come in flavors including mint, cherry, strawberry and grape. They are so strong they will knock the bitter taste of divorce out of John Daly’s mouth.

Since you asked:

Man, it don’t take much research to find out pretty fast that the now publicly despised decaying soul of horridly greedy evil publisher Judith Regan is even more despised in her personal life. People have described her as “The Devil Wears Prada” times ten.

One “friend” of Judith Regan, under the protective cloak of anonymity, described Regan as "The highest functioning deranged person I've ever known." Another described her as the angriest woman in the media, which is really saying something if you include Gloria Allred as a media figure, which I guess she is.

Here is my idea. Lock Paris Hilton, Gloria Allred, Judith Regan, Star Jones and Naomi Campbell in a room with one cell phone and a small hand-mirror and don't open the door until the last broken fake nail, capped tooth and torn- out hank of hair extension lands in a steaming stagnant pool of blood.

Have a wonderful weekend, everybody.