Thursday, September 15, 2005

We feelin' you now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Those celebrities think of everything
The support for New Orleans by Hollywood celebrities has been amazing; why, they even brought in Winona Rider to help with the looting.

Far reaching ruling
A California judge ruled the pledge of allegiance in schools is unconstitutional. In addition, when a teacher is having sex with a student, she can’t yell out; “Oh god, oh god.”

Oh Ophelia, you’re breaking my heart, you’re shaking my confidence daily
Hurricane Ophelia is still off the Carolina coast; Ophelia is so slow moving they might have to change its name to hurricane FEMA.

Congratulations to Britney Spears and Kevin Federline they had a baby boy; of course now he is at that stage where all he does is lie there, feed, burp and sleep. But enough about the father, the baby’s doing fine.

Mean, so mean. Why?
Congratulations to Britney Spears and Kevin Federline they had a boy they named Preston Michael Spears Federline. They were going name him after the father but they decided they didn’t like the sound of the name Useless.

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline had a baby boy named Preston Michael Spears Federline. In an earlier interview, Kevin Federline said he’d like to name the baby Vegas, after one of his favorite places. Either that or Wal Mart.

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline named their baby Preston Michael Spears Federline. So apparently they didn’t just have a boy, they had a gay boy.

This is a special time in a young celebrity’s life. Britney should enjoy this brief period before continuous marital problem denials followed soon by the messy divorce and ending with a tearful appearance on a very special “Oprah.”

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline had a baby boy. The baby was delivered by Caesarean section. It was embarrassing when they told Kevin Federline the birth was by C-Section, he said, “C-Section? Why was he delivered by some rapper dude?”

My kind of town
Despite hurricane Katrina, two bars and a strip club stayed open in New Orleans. Now there is a city that has its priorities right, forget electricity, forget water, get me a beer and bring on Bambi.

Apple has introduced the Nano iPod that holds 1,000 songs and is just a quarter of an inch thick. The only thing that skinny that holds as many songs is Mick Jagger.

It’s about time
A California judge ruled that the pledge of allegiance is unconstitutional. Yeah, who needs that whole liberty and justice for all nonsense?

Supreme Court nominee John Roberts continues to frustrate democrats on the Senate Judiciary Committee. Delaware Senator Joe Biden was so frustrated he nearly tore out his hair plugs.

Ted Kennedy was so frustrated he could have driven off a bridge.

Shaq attack
In Miami, Shaquille O’Neal flagged down police who arrested a man for throwing a bottle at a gay couple. Actually, Shaq first tried to throw the bottle back at the man, but he went 0 for 10.

Second to none
The New York Post claims women in New York have more sex than women in any other city. Actually the city that has the most sex is San Francisco, but that doesn’t include any women.

Nice try
Volatile actor Russell Crowe is looking to get his charges reduced. He wants the assault for throwing a phone reduced to the lesser charge of overly-aggressive telemarketing.

Quite a change
A survey reports that New York City cab drivers are getting friendlier. Some of them now will even let you pet their goat.

Hate to hear that
China has their own Disney Land. It’s a little different over there. During the Parade of Dreams, a tank ran over Goofy.

It’s a good thing
Have you seen Martha Stewart’s new show “Martha”? Apparently it reveals a softer, friendlier side of Martha. In yesterday’s show she helped a convicted felon make a shiv out of a spoon.

The air quality in New Orleans is not good. In fact it is so bad, instead of the Big Easy, they are now calling it the Big Wheezy.

Glad to help out
Big Daddy’s Strip Club opened in New Orleans. In fact, the only three businesses open are two bars and a strip club. Upon hearing that, Pat O’Brien and Bill O’Reilly announced they are moving to New Orleans.

Since you asked:
Check out “Flight of the Conchords” on HBO if you get a chance and get your bizzness socks on. New Zealand’s fourth ranked Folk Rap Fusion Parody Duo. You have to love a band that says they are not even as popular as their own tribute band, Like of the Conchords.

Played harmonica for a tribute band once. They were horrible, but it wasn’t their fault. They made the unfortunate decision to tribute a band that really, really sucked.