Tuesday, October 25, 2016

A new study of the brain shows that lying gets easier over time. It’s called the “The Trump Campaign.”

Apple announced iPhone sales have slumped. Which is surprising. You’d think they would be scorching Samsung.

Big night for Cleveland sports. The Indians beat the Cubs in the first game of the World Series, 6-0. The Cavaliers got their championship rings and a win. And the Browns had a good turnout for quarterback tryouts. 

The good news is a Georgia teenager woke from a coma fluent in Spanish which he wasn’t before. The bad news is Donald Trump wants to deport him.

On Friday, a cyber attack brought down much of the Internet including Twitter, Amazon and Netflix. It was so bad, Hillary Clinton’s emails erased themselves.

The season premiere of “The Walking Dead” was wild. Spoiler alert, the bad guy, Negan, treated two of the regular characters like Donald Trump treats a publicist. 

Negan, treated two of the regular characters like Larry King treats a diaper. 

There is a new bike lock that releases a stench that makes the bike thief sick. To give you an idea, the scent it releases actually smells worse than the bike seat. 

The 11th woman to accuse Donald Trump of sexual harassment is Jessica Drake, a  porn star who turned down Trump’s $10,000 offer for sex. A porn star turned down $10,000 for sex. Apparently Trump’s problem with women isn’t cured with Tic Tacs. 

Kim Kardashian is taking a break from “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.” How do you quit a job that pays you $10 mil a year just to exist? That is like quitting being a porn star because of sexual harassment. 

A youth football team was kicked out of its league in Rhode Island when they snuck a grown man into their lineup. Man, Johnny Manziel cannot catch a break. 

Since you asked quickzervations:

What is the over-under on when Michael Moore will announce he is transitioning to Michelle Moore?

The fun starts after November 8th when all the dirt on Trump comes out from the people on his campaign staff.

My prediction is, in two years, Donald Trump will have to sell out to a savior buyer just to remain the titular head of the Trump Organization. And Melania will divorce his ass. Eventually? A Gatsbyesque funeral. 

If it was possible to die of smugness, we would have lost Bill “Still dicking bimbos” Clinton years ago. 

The amazing lesson from Donald Trump? You can graduate from Penn and have tall buildings with your name on them while being stupid as shit.

Whatever age, “I talk to my dog when I walk him and I don’t care who hears it” is, that is what I am.

Hey, Danny Glover, does it count if I only have PBA during Chicago Cubs games? (Asking for a friend) 

Do the hip women announce their periods by saying they have Flo from Progressive? 

OK, Cubs, their ace was on fire and so was Perez. No big deal. No go do that voodoo that you do so well. 

Best line by somebody on Twitter: "Why are we surprised? Trump won't accept the results of his hairline. "