Chanukah broke my autocorrect. I tried to put a J in there somewhere.

The number of states where Chipotles are closed due to E. Coli has increased from six to nine. Attorney General, Loretta Lynch, is terrified this will result in E. Coli-phobia. 

Following her humiliating knockout by Holly Holm, Ronda Rousey attended a Marine Ball. There was an awkward moment when the first dance was “Hit Me With Your Best Shot.” 

An ESPN clip showed Atlanta Hawk, Jeff Teague, arriving for a game picking his nose, rolling it and flicking. Apparently NBA stands for Nose Biscuits Aloft.