Tuesday, June 09, 2015

After the US women’s team defeated Australia in the World Cup, 3-1, Australian players said the US team wasn’t that good. Look, I know the water spins the opposite way down the drain in Australia, but a 3-1 win in soccer is still an ass-kicking.

The fourth installment of the Jurassic Park movies, “Jurassic World” opened this weekend. I’ve got the rough draft of the script for Jurassic Park 5: “Dinosaurs Run Amok: Repeat.”

The World’s smallest deer, a Padu, was born at the Queens Zoo in New York. Sadly, today it got mugged today by a rat.

The Tampa Bay Lightening beat the Chicago Blackhawks 3-2 to lead 2-1 in the best-of-seven Stanley Cup. The announcers revealed Charles Barkley bought dinners for the Tampa Bay staff. Charles tried playing hockey once. But the ice broke.

Three towns, two in Texas, one in Tennessee, have streets named after Bruce Jenner and now they have to consider changing them to Caitlyn. And one will have to change from a Cul-De-Sac to a Cul-De-Sackless.

Here’s one of my favorite David Letterman stories:

It was decades ago when Frank Gifford and Al Michaels were announcing “Monday Night Football” at a game in Giant Stadium. David Letterman and Paul Schaffer were there in the booth to have Dave read the NFL’s copyright disclaimer while Paul played “God Bless America” on his harmonica.

Apparently nobody at ABC had cleared this with Michaels and Gifford because these two legendary broadcasting megalomaniacs were not happy about this skit. In the least. 

Then, before reading the disclaimer, Letterman launched this incredibly awesome joke at Gifford;

“Before I forget. Frank, your wife, Kathy Lee, called and she said Regis Philbin wants to know where you hide the key to the liquor cabinet.”

Not just crickets. For the first time in broadcasting history, you could hear an announcer, Gifford, seething with white-hot fury.