Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Jen Kirkman

Somebody was gizen me dah bidness to has, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Following his retirement, David Letterman spent Memorial Day with his Rahal Letterman Lanigan racing team at the Indy 500. It was distracting how Letterman kept yelling at the cars, “Slow down, this is a neighborhood.”

A 22-year-old transgender Japanese chef cooked and served his own genitals to customers. That’s really Japanese even for the Japanese.

Call me old fashioned, but I prefer chefs who put their heart and soul into their cooking.

Since you asked:

The key to my tasty Kasekerdeegers? (Quesadillas) Flour tortillas. Lots of creamy shredded Monterey jack, some shredded parmesan also. Lots of pulled chicken meat, lots of diced green chilis and chopped green onions (scallions) and coarsely chopped cilantro.

Nuke it in the microwave for two minutes to get the cheese starting to melt. Then finish them in a pan with a little olive oil and then brown both sides medium heat. Then drizzle with the pink sauce that is a combination of 2/3 sour cream 1/3 mango salsa. Make pretty with roughly chopped cilantro on top.

In light of all the colossal screw ups and cockup from the NFL, Roger Goodell needs to ban this scum, Ray McDonald, from the NFL.

Saw Scarlett Johansson on “The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.” From Keri Russell in “Felicity” to Jennifer Lawrence, Shailene Woodley and even Kristen Stewart, what is the deal with pretty actresses butchering their hair?

Johansson’s ‘do would scare the tools of ignorance off of a softball catcher.

No matter what happens with the Chicago Blackhawks in the playoffs, they have been amazing and fun to watch. Even when they suck, like they did last night going down 3-0 against the Ducks in a sleep walk, they still, eventually, make it exciting. They never quit. They got no quittidge.

By the way, I cannot wait for the movie “Grumpier Old Mikes” starring Mike Ditka and Mike Milbury.  They don’t take any crap unless it’s in their Depends. You punks better get off of their lawns.

Amy Schumer is absolutely crushing it. And she more than deserves all of her success. But she ain’t the only female comedian going – excuse the expression – balls deep. Iliza Schlesinger, Natasha Leggero, Sarah Silverman, Maria Bamford, Nikki Glaser, Jackie Monahan, Grace Helbig and my Facebook pal, Lang Parker.

And that is not even mentioning the eyeball-melting success of Chelsea Handler and Whitney Cummings.

Last night I saw a stand up special on Netflix by Jen Kirkman. My word, she killed. It was like being in a bar with a hilarious raspy-voiced American Kate Middleton holding forth.

Conversastion very allegedly overheard in a bar between two Brosters. (Combination Bro and Hipster) 

"Dude, I fell on the grenade last night."


"No, fat."

"Are we talking Amy Schumer or Rebel Wilson?"