Let’s slow that role, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

According to her lawyer, Donald Sterling’s mistress, V., Stiviano, was mugged outside of a New York hotel. And by mugged, Stiviano means the men would not agree to her terms of buying her a luxury car in exchange for sex.

In their game against the Philadelphia Phillies, the New York Mets set a record for eating the club house cheese steak sandwiches at 103. And you don’t want to know what record they set the next day.

Turns out Mets stands for Men Eating Terrible Stuff.

265 pound Mets pitcher, Bartolo Colon, had to change his first name to Backed-up Colon.

A Tennessee woman tied her new-born baby to the train of her wedding dress and dragged the baby down the aisle of her wedding; that is shocking. She’s not from Florida?

Golfer Phil Mickelson is being investigated for insider trading. If convicted, authorities don’t have to worry about Mickelson jumping bail, anyone who saw him win the 2004 Masters knows he can’t jump anything.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West got married in Florence, Italy and spent their honeymoon in Ireland. No word yet on which all-white country they will get their divorce.

In Texas, a family was attacked by a swarm of bees in a town called Beeville. As a result, they have cancelled their vacation to the town of “Get Killed By ZombiesVille.”