Ex-Microsoft CEO, Steve Ballmer, is trying to buy the L.A. Clippers for $2 billion; great, just when the Clippers were doing well, now they will freeze-up and crash all the time.

The Chicago Cubs are auctioning off a folding chair that Derek Jeter sat in. And they are going to auction off the toilet seat Alex Rodriguez sat on while injecting steroids into his butt.

Just after Gwyneth Paltrow compared her Twitter critics to war, Charlize Theron compared paparazzi photos to rape. Folks, this is why Hollywood publicists, A, make so much money and, B, drink.