Totes McGoats, jamokes and Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Are you excited about Christmas? Or as our Jewish writers call it: Toys for Goys.

India has declared homosexuality illegal. So India gay guys, if you’re wearing a Sari, you’ll be sorry.

A Miami man was arrested after leaving his four-month-old baby in a car at a strip-club parking lot for three hours. The sad part? He’s still eligible for Florida Father of the Year.

A lot of popular singers got their start singing Christian music: Katy Perry, Jessica Simpson, the band Switchfoot. They had to leave Christian music when it became clear that they didn’t suck.

The sign-language interpreter at the Nelson Mandela Memorial was a fake; hearing impaired viewers became suspicious when he kept repeating; “What day is it? Hump dayyyyyyyy, yeah.”

Afghanistan has reinstated the penalty of stoning-to-death for adultery; in a related story, Paris Hilton has cancelled her goodwill trip to Afghanistan.

India has declared homosexuality illegal. As a result they have removed the he from Delhi, the bi from Mumbai, and the bang from Bangalore.

Bruce Jenner is going to have adam’s apple reduction surgery, a procedure considered a first stage in a sex change operation. A sex change operation for Jenner would be serious, it could change him from a douche-bag into a bitch.