This is Bruce Jenner obviously furious about my jokes about him. Or happy. Or sad. Or shocked. We can't tell.


He so cray-cray up in this hey-hey, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Polls seem to show the Crack-smoking mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford, is still popular with voters. He could become the Prime Minister, or in his case the Primed Minister.

Authorities say they have discovered an al Qaeda terrorist sleeper-cell in Kentucky; their motto is; “Death to infidels, y’all.”

A volcano erupted off the coast of Japan and has formed a brand new island; and the amazing part is they already have two Starbucks and a Panera Bread.

Guess what night is the biggest bar night in the US? Not New Years Eve, not St. Patrick’s Day, it is the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Who could have guessed the night most people go to a bar is the same night your out-of-town visitors arrive for Thanksgiving?

England has a line of underwear called Shreddies that block the odor of gas. Nothing says Christmas like; “These are for you, you stinky bastard.”

In “Keeping up with the Kardashians” Kim Kardashian complains about the lack of privacy for her and her baby because of the paparazzi; here is my question: is it more annoying to hear a reality show participant complain about privacy or a lottery winner complain about paying taxes?

In Wales, a very attractive 33-year-old high school teacher, Claire Horton, was fired after having sex with a 16-year-old male student. She has been banned from teaching for life, and he has been banned from ever having to pay for a beer for life.

Kim Kardashian had an auction for charity of the clothes given to her for free by designers. The problem? Kim kept 90% of the money only donating 10% to charity. And to think I had Kim wrong. All this time I thought she was a stupid media whore, turns out she is really a brilliant, evil media whore.

Random thoughts:

After all the hype and commercials, was I the only one surprised to find the Peyton Manning-Tom Brady matchup featured other player besides Manning and Brady?

Does everyone know the name Kardashian is Turkish for Horrible Human Beings?

Just had computer algorithms explained to me. If you go on a website and buy A, and a lot of other people who bought A also bought B, it will suggest B. Unless you are on the Obamacare website. Then if you want to buy A, it will suggest 404, File Not Found.

For those of you having a hard time understanding the concept behind reality shows, let me explain. There is a quantum difference between a show like “Keeping up with the Kardashians” and “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.” On the one hand you have a family of uneducated hicks with neither talent nor class and, on the other hand, you have “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.”

Forgive my Karbashian

Truth is I knew an older version of a Kim Kardashian, pretty in a tacky and tawdry way, like a porn star without the work ethic. The depth of her vanity, greed and selfishness was like the Grand Canyon: even once seen, you can’t fully comprehend it. 

Like the woman I knew, I believe Kim is a sociopath. For reals. 

In my opinion, there is serious damage caused by people like Kim Kardashian. Not so much now, but a few years ago, almost every dark-haired girl at our local high school modeled their look after Kim Kardashian. (the blonde girls modeled their look after - gulp - Paris Hilton)

Conan O’Brien comments all the time how kids of the youngest generation come up and inform Conan they will be on his show. Trying to be nice, Conesky says great and asks what they do. Actor? Singer? Writer?

They stare blankly back at him and say;

“Nah, none of that stuff, I am just going to be rich and famous.”

To paraphrase Albert Brooks’s character in “Broadcast News,” did anyone really expect the devil to come back with red skin and horns and a tail? No, the devil will be in a highly public forum where he/she can do the most damage by eroding our work ethic and entitling the lazy and untalented.

Why do you think people are still being killed by drivers who texting and or talking on the phone? They know they are indangering the lives others, they just don't care. They have seen the Kardashians do it, so why can't they? 

Like Brooks, I am only half-kidding that Kim Kardashian is the devil. Just look at Bruce Jenner as a personification of the erosion that has occurred to our culture. In 1976 - steroids not withstanding - Jenner was a shining and handsome gold medal winner in the most demanding event in the Olympics. (If the Decathlon was set up like swimming is, the winner would get ten gold medals) 

Now Bruce Jenner is a $100 million dollar Hollywood joke about a joke about a joke about a joke of himself. The worst part? Jenner does not even get the joke. 

That is quite a fall.

However, since I am an admitted comedy writing whore, the same deal applies to Jenner as it does to Nike: pay me off, say $100,000, and I will stop making jokes. 

Can you imagine if I got bribed by the likes of a publicity whore like Jenner to stop with jokes about him? That would make me the whore of a publicity whore. 

And I can live with that. 

This is amazing to me even though it kind of isn't…

There are currently 20 players in the NFL with direct ties to San Diego. Including super stars Alex Smith and Reggie Bush. Which sounds surprisingly like a lot, but it isn't. 

At our local elementary field, I have seen four baseball coaches who all played in the Major Leagues, six soccer coaches who played in the Premiere League, and a gold medal soccer player in Shannon MacMillon and an NFL coach in Dennis Green.

My buddy's son played on a Pop Warner team. Among the dad coaches were three NFL All Pros.

There was a local girls socker club - I won't mention their name because they have dropped way down in status recently - whose under 18-year-old girls team all got division one soccer scholarships. Many colleges in the Midwest would just call the club's U-18 girl's coach and ask the name of the position player they needed and offer a full ride sight unseen. 

A woman we know who played for San Diego State said, when she was on this club's U-18 team, they got a call from a Michigan coach who was taking their team to a tournament in Los Angeles and wanted to scrimmage the local team in a friendly match. The local team was warned the Michigan team wasn't just a good team, they were the All Star team of Michigan.  Thus they were told to be prepared the game could get ugly.

And it did. Our local team won 6-0. By the end of the game the girls were told not to score but to kick the ball over the goal. They did about ten times. There were girls on the Michigan team sobbing because they had literally never lost a game before. 

The freshman football coach played for the Chicago Bears. When people like this tell you where to put your foot, or how to tie your shoes, you listen. And then you do it. 

With this level of coaching plus the emphasis placed on sports plus the great weather, it sort of adds up.