B.J. now

Bruce Jenner, circa 1980, before Photoshop

The main story continues to be the one that sounds catastrophic, but actually has no effect on our day-to-day lives. But enough about the Kris and Bruce Jenner split, the US Government is still shut down.

In the weather, yesterday it was hot, now it is cold, it was hot, now cold. I feel like Kris Jenner looking at old Olympic pictures of Bruce.

22 years of marriage gone, which is a shame now that California has passed same-sex marriage.

Kahdeesh.

Look, nobody really cares if Bruce Jenner is gay or not. By becoming a reality celebrity whore, you lose your right to whine about a lack of privacy. That includes your questionable sexuality.

The problem isn’t if Bruce Jenner is gay or not, the problem is what an utter four-faced phony humorless tool Jenner is. One of his best celebrity friends was OJ Simpson.

Neil Patrick Harris is gay and I would never, ever, ever make a mean joke making light of NPH being gay. He's honest, funny and appears to be a great guy. Nothing to joke about. 

Because I cannot stand to watch it again, go to YouTube and look at the Jimmy Fallon/Bruce Jenner interview/spat. It is so awful. It is Jenner, maybe the most humorless man on the planet, trying to be funny. He actually pissed off Jimmy Fallon. Jimmy Fallon is arguably the nicest guy in television. Jimmy Fallon is nice to everyone. Nobody, but Bruce Jenner, can piss off Jimmy Fallon. Donald Trump cannot piss off Jimmy Fallon.

 All you have to know is that embarrassing spectacle is Bruce Jenner trying to be funny. The real Bruce Jenner is the one at the London Olympics that angrily threatened the nicest guy in the world, Jimmy Fallon, not to do jokes about his impossible-not-to-joke-about face.

Kris Jenner, who seems nice compared to Bruce, had to apologize to Fallon and was utterly humiliated by Bruce’s angry and hurtful remarks to Fallon. At one point Fallon said to Kris we'd like to talk to Bruce more and she shot out:

"No you don't."

Kim Kardashian has a hard time hiding what a hump-nozzle she thinks Bruce Jenner is, but even she thought Jenner could only improve his horrible image by going on the “Fallon” show and advised him to do so.

As Kim usually is, she was horribly wrong.

The Decathlon community in the US is very tight. Nobody I have heard of in it has anything nice to say about Bruce Jenner. When Jenner had his impressive, but-steroid-aided, win in Montreal, he had a golden opportunity to really boost the Decathlon's status in the US. He did virtually nothing except promote himself.

My point is, when it comes to making nasty jokes about Jenner, like OJ, Trump, Paris, Kim Kardashian and Kanye, the gloves are off. The sky is the limit. 

That is not true of all joke topics. Charlie Sheen seems like a good guy, and you don't want to get too mean to a good guy, as messed up as he was. As clueless as she is, there is a piece of Lindsay Lohan that seems kind of sweet. So going too hard after her would smack of bullying. 

A lot of good comedy, ala the Farrelly brothers, comes from one comedian trying to out-do the other. And then knowing when you’ve gone too far.

Ben Stiller’s character in "Something About Mary" has a date? What should he do before the date? Relieve himself through masturbation. Is the joke over yet? No. He unknowingly ejaculates into his hair. Is the joke over yet? No, Cameron Diaz sees it and, thinking it is hair gel, applies it to her bangs. Is the joke over yet? Nope, her hair stands straight up. Should she hit something with her stiff bangs and they break off? Nope, that is going too far.

Conan O’Brien mentioned this theory when he was the head writer at “The Simpsons.” There was a friendly competition to see how stupid they could make Homer. At one point even Homer’s brain can’t take it anymore and leaves Homer’s head and runs out the room.

So Jenner’s dubious sexuality can be used. His face can stop bullets. His divorce is fair game. The fact that he is an utter-crank nozzle just makes it that much more fun.