This

 Minus this

Equals this

Arnold Schwarzenegger says his affair was the stupidest thing he’s ever done; and that is saying something from the guy who made “Jingle all the Way.”

A group of South Carolina teenagers have been arrested after they broke into a house to party and they posted pictures of it on Facebook; they’re charged with breaking and entering, burglary, vandalism, destruction of private property and being too stupid to live.

For the third time, an American Airlines flight had to be diverted due to a row of seats coming loose; the passengers were immediately charged a $100 relocation fee.

The Cincinnati Reds’ Homer Bailey pitched the season’s seventh no-hitter. Since it was a guy named Homer, is it considered a “Doh” Hitter? Let’s all hope not.

In the Chicago Bears win over the Dallas Cowboys, Bear QB Jay Cutler was seen on the bench being dismissive of his offensive coordinator, Mike Tice. If Cutler is going to continue to be a rude prima donna, he will have no choice but to play soccer for France. 

Since you asked:

There are a poop-ton of things I cannot understand. How do those potpourri and knick-knack stores stay in business?  How come ten thousand people don’t decide to go to the same restaurant all at once? How can the FOX show “Masterchef” afford such an awesome kitchen and a private jet with its name on it? How can aircraft carriers float? Jets fly? How does Laird Hamilton get paid so much to do what the rest of us would call vacation, albeit very well, but still, he gets paid to surf on his own.

But moving to the front of the list? How can the San Diego Sockers have nine fairly smoking hot cheerleaders?

To review, the San Diego Sockers are in indoor soccer team. We have a former-soccer-Dad friend who joined the team. They are good and fun to watch. But when I have gone to the games there are maybe 200 people there. Maybe. My band played before bigger groups. I have performed stand up to more people. More people read this dumb blog everyday for crying-out-loud.

And yet the Sockers have a roster of 19 players that I presume the pay something, nice uniforms and they travel to Arizona, Dallas and Mexico.

And now the Sockers have a cheerleading team of nine extremely attractive young women. The San Diego Chargers cheerleaders make something like $20 a game. These Socker cheerleaders must be paying to perform.

That settles it. Starting right now, I am going to hold auditions for a squad of Lex’s Stand Up Paddleboard Surfing cheerleaders.