Friday, August 31, 2012

Is it just me or do Paul Ryan and Mitt Romney look like the before and after in the “Just For Men” hair coloring commercial? 

Ann Romney gave a speech at the RNC on how she and Mitt are just normal people. You know what is the surest sign you are not normal? Giving a speech on national television about how normal you are.

“MTV” is pulling the plug on “Jersey Shore” after this season. “Oh, that’s fine, those smart kids will always be able to fall back on their hard work ethic and higher education,” said nobody.

“Jersey Shore” Snooki had a baby boy. Not going to use the tired old joke that when her baby was born the doctor slapped Snooki. He wanted to slap her, but he didn’t. 

“MTV” is pulling the plug on “Jersey Shore”. In Las Vegas, you can get odds on which cast members will end up on “Dancing with the Stars” or “Celebrity Rehab” or both.

Here is my impression of guys talking about the Prince Harry naked pictures in front of their wife and then when she leaves the room:

“Prince Harry should be ashamed, that kind of irresponsible behavior is inexcusable for a role model. Psst, Dude, is that Harry guy awesome or what?” 

Have discovered yet another unusable skill I have:

Trash talking at cooking show contestants.

You call those knife skills? Joe Cocker having a seizure can chop better than you, bitch.

Oh, I know you didn't just salt that too much. This ain't no deer- lick, up in here,  home-skeezy.

You better flip that steak before it get all Chernobyl on yo' goofy ass. 

Oh, I know you can saute better than that, mothereffer. Shake that pan like you got a pair, slickly slack.