Thursday, August 30, 2012

They shook us to our tuchus, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie delivered the keynote speech at the RNC. Then he ordered the Key Lime pie at KFC.

In Buffalo, a man named Arijit Guha wearing a t-shirt with the words Terrorist Gonna Kill Us All was kicked off of his Delta flight. No charges were filed, but authorities are considering charging Guha with being the biggest a-hole alive.

A New Jersey woman suffers from Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder – or PGAD - which causes her to have over 100 orgasms a day. She is currently treating her illness with a heavy dose of absolutely nothing. 

There are  reports of 100 cases of salmonella poisoning in the US  from mangos. Healthy mango eaters get sick, but millions of fat slobs eat deep fried Twinkies at County Fairs and not one gets sick. That’s like Tim Tebow giving an STD to Paris Hilton.

The New York Jets have gone through three pre-season football games with zero touchdowns. No wonder. They’re running the New York Jet Blue offense. It sits on the runway because it can’t touchdown.

The Dallas Cowboys have established strict rules for their troubled wide receiver, Dez Bryant. No strip clubs, no alcohol, home by midnight. Good luck. Dez couldn’t have kept those rules in high school. 

How many Hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They're too busy making sarcastic jokes about how great it is to be in the dark.

Since you asked:
Loves, loves, loves me some cooking contests. "Master Chef." "Chopped." "Top Chef." Love when they break out the ingredients basket. It is always something like: Cabbage, beef jerky, vanilla ice cream and Botangaskoo. 

What is Botangaskoo? Something I made up. But, as soon as they see the Botangaskoo they know how it should be prepared and then prepare it with a twist.