Gator's bitches better be usin' Jimmies, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

An Indiana mother sacrificed her legs to save her kids in a tornado. That is a great story, but those poor kids are going to hear this for the rest of their lives; “Oh, just go have a good time, don’t worry about your Mom who sacrificed her legs for you.”

At a campaign rally, Mitt Romney introduced his wife, Ann, as the heavyweight champion of his life. Upon which Ann introduced Mitt to the couch as the place where he will sleep.

Happy Birthday to the Oreo cookie, it is 100 today; that is one hundred years of being wrong if you don’t twist, scrape, dunk in milk and then eat.

Happy Birthday to the Oreo cookie, it is 100 today; Rick Santorum is so conservative he is suspicious of anyone who dunks an Oreo cookie in non-fat milk.

An Indiana mother sacrificed her legs to save her kids in a tornado. Moms are like that, my Mom used to sacrifice her saliva to keep my hair matted down.

A doctor has diagnosed the Charles Dickens “Christmas Carol” character, Tiny Tim with rickets 169 years later. And I thought my five hour wait in urgent care was bad.