You rush a miracle man you get rotten miracles*, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

“Modern Family” won the Emmy for best comedy; “Modern Family” depicts three funny, dysfunctional families including a gay couple. The gay couple constantly bickers, but in the end they love each other. You know, like Mitt Romney and Rick Perry.

“Mad Men” won the Emmy for best dramatic series. “Mad Men” depicts men who drank heavily on the job. Or as we call that: congress.

There is a new smart phone app that connects people who have to use a bathroom to people’s homes. It’s called Not-If-It’s-a-Deuce.com.

President Barack Obama has called for $1.5 trillion in tax increases primarily on the wealthy. When Donald Trump heard this, he got so upset he nearly fell off of his pure gold toilet.

President Barack Obama has called for $1.5 trillion in tax increases primarily on the wealthy. When she heard this, Oprah Winfrey said; “Wow, $1.5 trillion is a lot, I can barely pay that. Oh, you mean spread between other rich folks? Fine.”

When Newt Gingrich heard this he asked if he could put his share of taxes on his Tiffany expense account.

There are a lot of high school reunions planned for the Fall; good news guys, there is a way to lose 20 pounds in one week. The bad news? You have to give birth to a large baby to do it.

"Anyone know what happened in the Falcons-Eagles game? I missed it because I had to watch the Emmy Awards;" said no straight guy in the country.

Not sure some of these Fall shows are going to make it. Like "Two and a Half Staph Infections," "Real Housewives of Menopausia" and "CSI: Transylvania, Special Vampire Unit."

NASA is going to allow a bus-sized satellite to crash to earth. They got the idea from the Seattle Mariners.

Since you asked:

*Rotten Miracles is my new Seventies hits cover band.

Congratulations to Natasha Leggero. Just saw her on "TTSWJL" and she is off to certain and well-deserved big time stardom. Maybe not with this new show, but with something. Smart, hot, funny, sexy and from Illinois. Lord, why are there so few of us?