Thursday, July 07, 2011

Did you have the same reaction I did when you saw this? Yep, she's standing too far aft.

Lefty he can’t sing the blues all night like he used to, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

It’s been so hot in Los Angeles, Lindsay Lohan’s attorney requested she be sentenced to house arrest inside a Tastee Freez.

This just in: a fellow inmate - furious over the not-guilty verdict - punched Casey Anthony in the face. This story is not true, but you have to admit you liked hearing it.

People are still furious over the Casey Anthony verdict. People want to see Casey Anthony suffer, they want to see her grilled, they want to see her tortured. That’s right, they want her to go on “The View.”

The rumor is they are going to open the new season of “Two and Half Men” by killing off Charlie Sheen’s character, Charley Harper. How? Charley is going on a blind date with Casey Anthony.

Kim Kardashian tweeted she was shocked by the Casey Anthony verdict. And her dad was one of the attorneys who got OJ off. That’s like Joey Chestnut being offended by bad table manners.

Residents of Orlando were so upset at the Casey Anthony verdict they almost rioted. Well, not really rioted, but a few did throw down their shuffleboard cues in disgust.

A 17-year-old drunk Iowa male fell asleep on the tracks and was run over by a train, but only sustained cuts and bruises. Upon which god said; “That’s it, from now on I only look out after children and fools, you drunks are on your own.”

Super model Kate Moss got married over the weekend. There was one bad moment when they emerged from the church and a grain of rice hit Kate in the head and knocked her out.

It was touching at the reception when the bride and the groom got together to cut up the wedding grape.

“Today” interviewed Star Jones about the Casey Anthony verdict. Asking Star Jones attorney questions is like asking Vanilla Ice rap star questions.

In a fireworks accident, a man in Fargo blew off his head. He blew his own head off. He got the idea from watching the “Newt Gingrich for President” campaign.

What’s up for Casey Anthony? History says a tour to plug her bad book, an engagement followed by a domestic violence arrest, a fragrance line, a short-lived appearance on “Dancing with the Stars,” a DUI arrest, rehab and then an article in “People’s” “Where are they now?”

A New Jersey tax collector stole $800,000, part of which he paid to a dominatrix. He pleaded guilty saying he was a bad, bad boy who needed to be spanked.

Truth is I have mixed emotions about the Casey Anthony not-guilty verdict. On one hand, the burden of proof is contingent upon the prosecution, who failed to make their case thus rendering the verdict a just one. On the other hand, that crazy bitch needs to fry.

Since you asked:

Feeling kind of chic, chi-chi, kind of suave and debonair, kind of, dare I say it, “Foxhole” Woody? Sophisticated.

After an intense workout of running and running stairs, I am going to have a few smart cocktails – San Diego Sunsets – and steam mussels with plum tomatoes in white wine, shallots, garlic and butter. Mopping up the sauce with French bread. Then a salad of sliced mozzarella, avocado, tomato, fresh basil with an olive oil and balsamic vinegar dressing.

And in case this sounds a bit too posh, this will be happening while watching the Cubs game.

And scratching myself. A lot.

Just got off the phone with my good buddy, Rob "Dirty Apples" Apatoff. Here is what I want to make happen:

Have my friends at SUP Co., in Laguna Beach ship twenty boards and paddles to Chicago. All my good buddies, Jeff, Will, Woody, Brian, Theo, Cookie, et al, paddle down the Chicago river to out on Lake Michigan and down to a spot on the beach (Oak Street beach?) where we have boards ready to demo, race buoys set up, beginner lessons, tug of war contests, speakers blasting Muddy Waters, Junior Wells, Stones, etc.

Afterwards we shower up, dress and go to a Tavern we have procured for a party to eat ribs and listen to a scorching blues band that I sit in with on harmonica. Maybe a set by a stand up comedian. (No, not me, some Chicago guy)

The Chicago Stand Up Paddle Board and Blues Fest
(Poster and t-shirts with Jake and Elwood lookalikes paddling on boards)

Let's make it happen, Cap'n.