Monday, August 24, 2009

This is what I was surfing with yesterday. This summer I surfed next to hundreds of leopard sharks, one huge great white shark, many seals, many dolphins including a family of three that hung out with me for half an hour and I stepped on a Sting Ray, but did not get stung.

Fun fake phone conversations to have in front of captive audiences:

"Speak up, I can barely hear you. Why are you hiding in a closet? Who came home early? What makes you think he has a gun? What was that popping noise? Hello? Hello?"

"Yes, please transfer the ten million from The National Bank of Bogota to my offshore account in the Bahamas. You have the number, thanks."

"No, I am not going to guess who you slept with last night. No, I am not. Get out of here? Really? As in Hilton?"

"Look, I said I was sorry the blind date didn't work out. Yes, I knew and I should have told you, but the term sexual offender is so broad and vague."

Thieves broke into Lindsay Lohan's safe and made off with a lot of her borrowed jewelery. Luckily they didn't get Lindsay's self-respect or dignity, they've been gone for years.

Michael Jackson died on June 25th and he still hasn't been buried. Let's hope he gets buried soon. You don't want to be caught dead wearing white socks and a white glove after Labor Day.