Friday, January 16, 2009

Find a runway and put her down, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

How cold was it?
It is so cold in Pennsylvania, an Amish guy plugged in an electric space heater next to his Amish Miracle Fireplace Mantle.

Good news, bad news
The good news is everyone survived the US Airways crash land in the Hudson river, the bad news? They charged the passengers an extra $100 for Circle Line river excursion. 

Uh, no Sir, that’s not, oh forget it
There was an awkward moment at the White House, when they asked President Bush if he was getting contemplative, Bush said; “No, that’s why I take lots of fiber.”

My mistake
L.A. is infested with raccoons. Today I saw the scariest raccoon, it was foaming at the nose and mouth, had black circles around its beady eyes, wild fur . . . no, wait, that was Amy Winehouse.

Not nice
President Bush has just one more week to go so he is trying to tie up all loose ends. For example Bush has yet to find the penny Dick Cheney told him he hid in the corner of the Oval office.

How cold was it, 2
It was over 40 degrees below zero in Minnesota. It was so cold, comedian/senator Al Franken demanded a temperature recount.

Not good
Yesterday was a bad day. I tried to update my MySpace page but I think I accidentally turned myself in to Homeland Security.

Such a kvetcher you shouldn’t believe
Ponzie scammer Bernard Madoff has been sentenced to house arrest in his penthouse. But for those who think he’s getting off easy, remember, Madoff is confined with his Jewish wife: “Why don’t you ever take me to dinner? Not for nothing, you don’t know from investing. Oy vey.”

Why back in my day . . .
In Pennsylvania, a 17-year-old-girl and her 17-year-old boyfriend were arrested because she sexted him naked text pictures. Why, when I was seventeen, my seventeen-year-old girlfriend never sent me any naked text pictures. No, sir, she had to chisel a naked picture of herself on a rock and throw it inside my cave.

You know what I would have called it if my 17-year-old girlfriend had sent me a naked text picture? Awesome.

Uh, no Sir, that’s not, oh forget it, 2
President Bush and his father will set a precedent for being the first ex-president father and son in the modern era. It was awkward, when they asked President Bush how it felt to set a precedent, Bush replied “Excuse me, it’s pronounced President. Duh.”

Since you asked:

Big football weekend as we are down to the final four. Often this is the best game of the year and the Super Bowl sucks, but that was not the case in 2008. To be candid, in the NFC title, I can't decide to go with the team I really don't care about or the one I don't give a rat's ass about. 

Now over in the AFC, it's even tougher: do I go with that team with the guy who killed a guy or the team with the guy who tried to kill himself? Either way it will be an epic struggle between a team that has no appeal to me at all or the team I have never ever liked since I was a kid.