Monday, August 17, 2015

Today is National “I Love My Feet” Day. Donald Trump will celebrate as usual by lovingly placing his foot in his mouth.

Donald Trump showed up for jury duty in New York, but he was not selected. It turns out Trump was combed-over, uh, I mean passed over.

The offices of the dentist, Dr. Walter Palmer, who killed Cecil the lion, have reopened. And they’re doing a roaring business.

There was a 4.0 earthquake in Northern California. It was so strong, in the town of Jenner, it shook someone named Bruce on top of a someone named Caitlyn.

DIRECTV has a new commercial featuring Eli Manning and Bad Comedian Eli Manning. Here’s my question: which is the one is the dork we don’t want to be?

Donald Trump gave a speech at the Iowa State Fair. There was an awkward  moment when a kid in the crowd pointed to Trump’s hair and shouted; “Look mom, that man has cotton candy on his head.”

After only ten months for shooting his girlfriend, ”Blade Runner” Oscar Pistorius was released from prison and plans on searching for the real killers before he returns to jail for stealing his won memorabilia.

There is good news and bad news for Donald Trump. The good news is he is still leading in the polls. The bad news is Donald Trump is the only man diagnosed with a serious case of Resting Bitch Face.

Since you asked:

 Like the NFL, NBA or MLB, just being in the PGA is an accomplishment that requires unearthly skills, even at the bottom levels. That is why an accurate barometer of Tiger’s greatness in 2000 would be to measure him against a lower ranked player.

That gap would have been vast. Grand Canyon vast. No, earth to moon vast.

Even more mind-boggling is that lower ranked player that would exemplify Tiger’s greatness then? It is now Tiger Woods.

In the era before nutrition, orthoscopic surgery and advances in training, it still took Willy Mays almost 20 years to go from superstar to embarrassment.

It has only taken Tiger Woods 15. Due to scientific advances, by all reasonable expectations, Tiger Woods should have five or six good or great years left.

That is why it is my belief that something far more sinister and serious happened to Tiger on that Thanksgiving night in 2009. Rumor has it Tiger lost his front teeth. In the process I believe he was inflicted with measurable brain trauma.

Tiger should be checked for CTE.

To see the type of decline in a great athlete like we have seen in Tiger Woods requires a significant injury. Gale Sayers’s knee exploding and then having it hacked together by a butcher, the criminally negligent Bears quack, Dr. Ted Fox. The same exact thing happened with Dick Butkus. Bo Jackson’s hip replacement.

Mickey Mantle, Babe Ruth and Willy Mays slow decrepitating due to decades of abuse and neglect.

Tiger’s injuries, while many, have all been due to wear and tear. And yet Tiger was so great mentally, even with a broken knee, Tiger still managed to win the 2008 US Open in a playoff.

No, whatever happened to Tiger on that ugly, fireplug-crashing night caused serious mental and physical damage that it appears Tiger will never recover.

During the recent PGA Championship broadcast, an announcer said it is embarrassing to watch Tiger play. He said Tiger looks like he isn’t having any fun. In my opinion it is far worse than that.

Tiger Woods looks like a wounded animal that has been cornered. Somebody, probably Tiger himself, has to put him out of his misery.

Not a big fan of the trend of bestowing sainthood on celebrities because they died.

In 2009, Frank Gifford said unpleasant things about Mickey Mantle's moral character in excerpts in “Sports Illustrated” from a book about Mantle, "The Last Boy." 

This struck me as wildly hypocritical coming from a guy who slept with many, many married women and helped destroy the marriage of no less of a fellow lofty celebrity than Johnny Carson.

Gifford then found religion in a big way which I gather allowed him to make peace with the many times he cheated on his wife and the mother of his children, Kathy Lee. Once, famously, with a flight attendant. 

Frank Gifford was from a different era. Yes, he was a former pretty boy who had a colossal ego that I felt intruded on his extremely limited intellect as a broadcaster.  

But I was wrong about something big. Frank did have a good sense of humor. During the Green Bay-Dallas ice bowl, he had a great line about taking a bite out of his coffee.

And many others. Frank, it turns out, was pretty funny. Oops.

But from the glowing tributes about Frank, especially from his wife, Kathy Lee, I think I was wrong about Frank the man. Frank was a legend and apparently a good and appreciative man.

We all make mistakes. Rest In Peace, not-so flawless Frank. For better or for worse, they are not making them like Frank Gifford anymore.