Get yo' beyatch-ass, punk-beyatch, beyatch-punk, punk-ass, beyatch-punk, punk-ass . . .  now I forgot what I was going to say, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers. 

Wow, are these substitute NFL refs making horrible calls; one actually recommended the Fettuccine Alfredo at the Olive Garden.

There are some amazing new apps on the new iPhone 5. One driving GPS app can actually predict when Lindsay Lohan or Amanda Bynes will crash into you. 

Lex's eight easy steps for a fast, easy, healthy and tasty din-din

Step One: Buy really fresh Mahi-Mahi.

Step Two: pour 1 cup of rice and two cups of chicken broth into a rice cooker. Turn on.

Step three: boil asparagus for three minutes and then blanch in ice water. Drain and drizzle with olive oil and sprinkle sea salt. Let sit.

Step four: roast pine nuts in a no-oil pan until golden brown. Put them in a mortar with lemon zest, garlic powder, fresh basil leaves, a little olive oil, sea salt and pepper. Grind with pestle until it is like damp sand.

Step Five: dust the Mahi with Old Bay, garlic powder, sea salt and fresh pepper. 

Step Six: throw the Mahi on the hottest part of the oak wood lump grill flip and turn 90 degrees every two and a half minutes for a total of ten minutes -depending on thickness -  and it has nice cross-marks from the grill. Also throw the asparagus on the grill until you see some grill marks.

Step Seven: serve grilled Mahi with a dollop of either fresh pineapple (Newman's Own) salsa or tarter sauce. Sprinkle the pine nut pesto on top of the asparagus and serve it next to the rice. Serve with cold, dry, crisp chardonnay or Pinot Grigio.

Step Eight: Enough with the asparagus stinky-pee jokes already. 

Tonichtity? Gonna work out then grill my paella-on-the-Weber. Then gonna watch my guy, Clay the Tres. Trice M-Boy. Clay, not one, not two, but thray. Triple dah Clay.  Clay "Into the fray goes Tray." Clay "So nice they named him Thrice" Matthews III. 

Clay, Clay, Clay gonna lay the hinky on they stinky.   

Whaaaaaaaaaat?