Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Here we have Hanoi Jane Fonda doing her Mike Dukakis/Snoopy impression while supporting the troops during the Vietnam War. The North Vietnamese troops.

We up and done tore it up up in this up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Guess who has the number one selling jersey in the WNBA? Maya Moore of the Minnesota Lynx. I am shocked. There is still a WNBA? How is that even possible?

Borders Bookstores are closing. Who could have guessed letting people sit in comfy chairs and read their books and magazines for free would be a bad business plan? That’s like a medical marijuana store putting in futons and showing a Cheech and Chong film festival.

At the hacking hearing in London, media mogul, Robert Murdoch, was hit with a cream pie. If they’re not careful this whole hacking scandal could start to get silly.

The 405-closing Carmegeddon turned out to be nothing. Maybe we need to give all our problems end-of-the-world nicknames to go away. Like the Debt-ceiling-ocalypse, the global-warming-dooms day and Unemploymentmegeddon.

Jane Fonda* is whining she can’t peddle her book on QVC because people are complaining about her politics. How annoying does someone have to be if they are deemed too annoying to be on QVC?

Frayser High in Memphis had 90 girls who were pregnant. And no wonder, their team mascot was the Fighting Arnold Schwarzeneggers.

Michelle Bachmann’s husband, Marcus, helps folks pray the gay away? Really? Have you heard this guy talk? He makes Truman Capote sound like James Earl Jones.

Since you asked:

Starting to get back into shape thanks to stand up paddle boarding. No lie, after a solid two hour session last Saturday, I was out of it for two days with flu-like symptoms. Napped, swigged coconut water, Advil, you name it.

Today I was out at La Jolla Shores with dolphins and lots of sting rays at 6:45 AM. A pelican dove and caught a fish four feet from me. It was beautiful. Water is a comfy 68. No booties, no wetsuit, just a rash shirt and trunks. Makes for way easier packing up after. Only about five SUP bros out there.

*Not a huge Jane Fonda fan. Talk about a psycho spoiled brat. She claims she is being persecuted by not being allowed to peddle her book on QVC because she was against the Vietnam War. She wasn’t against the war, she was for it. She was for the war on the side of the North Vietnamese. She should have gone to prison as a traitor. She flew to Hanoi during the war and sat for pictures on an antiaircraft gun used to kill many American pilots.

Jane Fonda is a slutty skank who has come out and admitted she had taken acid and engaged in coke-fueled orgies several times with Charles Manson himself. She is proud of having sex with Manson.

When Jane was married to that pock-faced pseudo politician publicity whore, Tom Hayden, they lived in a mansion/ranch in the Santa Barbara hills. There they would frequent one of the greatest places on earth, Cold Spring Tavern. Two actual log cabins which was a former stage coach stop converted into a fabulous bar and restaurant in the Santa Barbara mountains. My good buddy and one-summer roommate, a crazy “Jeremiah Johnson” look alike, Mike was a bartender there.

Mike was a mellow, mellow dude who owned one pair of jeans and about three shirts to his name. Mike liked everybody and everybody liked Mike. Mike absolutely despised Jane and Tom. He said they were rude to the staff and impossibly demanding. Now, although I never met Hanoi Jane, Mike's word was more than enough for me.

One time the anti-establishment, anti-elite, anti-materialistic hippy couple demanded to the Cold Spring owner –can’t remember his name - that he close the restaurant when they dined there so they could eat in private. (Nobody had ever actually asked for an autograph because nobody liked them)

The owner told Tom and Jane they were no longer welcomed. They threatened to sue, so he regretfully let them come back.