Mr. Peanut has died.

It's just as well, he has been shell of his former self.






The earthquake in Los Angeles was pretty serious. It actually shook somebody into a L.A. Chargers gift shop.





New York Yankee, Derek Jeter, was voted into the Hall of Fame 396-1.

In a related story, the one dissenting voter was elected unanimously into the Useless Moron Hall of Fame.






An English tourist lost his foot to a shark attack while snorkeling in Australia.

He was going to sue the Australian tourist board, but his case didn't have a leg to stand on.







The Super Bowl is the Kansas City Chiefs versus the San Francisco Forty Niners. 

Here is what is both cities have in common: their teams wear red. That's it.






Not really sure how this is even possible, but I think the Houston Astros just stole my WiFi signal.